Inside Out
Brace yourself, I’m on a bumpy ride and if you read this, you’re coming with me.
It’s funny how our external environments sometimes reflect our internal ones. My internal life was recently turned inside out with no clear and easy way to untangle it. The catalyst was having my uterus removed against my will while I was unconscious in spite of numerous assurances that this would not happen. But to be honest, that was just the catalyst. The reagents have been there all along. I briefly ran away from home and went on a bit of a soul searching quest. Found way more questions and a whole host of new problems on top of the old ones. Came back to a house that quickly became as chaotic as my internal life.
After Icemageddon 2021, we decided it was time to invest in better windows and insulation in an attempt to Texas-proof our house. Windows were scheduled to be installed the week I got back, so at least that was already on my radar. What was not expected was the sudden decline of our 17-year old AC unit. Somehow, everything got scheduled to be installed on the same day.
Cue a frenzy of deconstructing our office, dining room, breakfast nook, and living room. Furniture, workout equipment, and window treatments strewn haphazardly throughout the house. Once the workers arrived, shattered glass abounded; blowtorches were used inside. I felt like I was looking at a physical representation of my life.
Ever notice how heat makes the day feel longer and more draining? Late July in Texas with no windows and no AC made for an intense day. I’m so deeply grateful to the workers who endure that every day so we don’t have to. Even once the windows were in place, the house was still in chaos and had to be put back together, starting with touching up paint on the window sills and molding.
Once the paint had dried and it was time to rehang the window treatment, I discovered to my dismay that the mounting hardware for the bamboo shades wouldn’t fit due to the new, deeper window frames. My initial plan was to lay down on the bed, cry, and lament all my life choices anew. Fortunately, before I acted on that plan, it crossed my mind to just hang the blinds on the trim outside the window frame. Seriously, I’m so emotionally fragile these days that all it takes to send me to bed crying is a window hardware snafu. Everyone who keeps telling me I’m strong, let that sink in. Anyway, it’s not ideal, but to borrow from Thomas Sowell, there are no solutions, only trade-offs. When you take things apart in hopes of making them better, they don’t fit back together the way they used to. Compromises have to be made. Yes, I’m talking about so much more than bamboo blind hardware.
All of the rooms are finally back in order and we’re enjoying a more open, gridline-less view and hoping to see a reduction in energy costs. Time will tell if all that was really worth it. My favorite feature? Locks! The old windows had alarm sensors, but no locks. Seems like less than a fantastic decision to me.
Aside from some of the work on the master bathroom, this is the only project we haven’t done ourselves. It’s a weird feeling - looking at work that was done on the house that we didn’t have a hand in. It’s definitely less satisfying in one sense, but a relief in other ways. Ah, mixed feelings. Story of my life right now.
Oh, and one more part of the project: touching up the off-white paint on the patio and figuring out a better way to secure the string lights that kept falling down. The new frames sit further back, so I spent a few minutes touching up the exterior paint while getting eaten alive by mosquitos because it’s July in Texas.
The string lights add glorious ambiance, but kept falling down, so I finally got the idea to switch out the smooth nails that came with the cord holders for panel nails that have a bit more tooth on the sides to hold everything in place. Now that was totally worth it.
One of these days, if I ever have the the time and inclination, I might take you through the process of transforming the patio. But for now, at least order has been restored to my outer world, even if everything is dark, swirling chaos in my brain.