Sleep, Interrupted Part 3 (Back to Life)
The featured image for this post is a still frame from “First Light” by Lindsey Stirling and captures exactly how it feels to just have normal functionality (for the most part) again. I still have to be really careful about my night time activities (even doing fun things like making wreaths or painting too late in the evening can bring on the twitchies), but it is amazing to go for weeks without any trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. In the last post, I forgot to mention that once I got a handle on being able to fall asleep, I started waking up after four or five hours and not being able to go back to sleep. Grrrr. I made five changes to my routine all at once, so I don’t know which one made the biggest difference, but I’m just going to put them all out there.
It sounds super hokey, and you don’t have to believe this is anything more than a placebo, but I came across a demonstration of EFT by Morgan Day Cecil and decided to give it a go. (The relevant part of this only lasts for three minutes and starts at 7:12.)
When I use it to help myself fall asleep, the phrases I say are along these lines: “Even though I’m nervous about falling asleep, I completely love and accept myself. Even though I’m afraid that I’ll twitch for hours every time I fall asleep, I completely love and accept myself. Even though I’m worried that I won’t get enough sleep and that I won’t be able to function tomorrow and that I’ll be miserable, I completely love and accept myself.” And the great thing is, you don’t have to believe it – I don’t most of the time, but I’m sleeping through the night more consistently than I have in years.
My Bear came across an article about a method the military uses to train their pilots to fall asleep that is supposed to knock someone out in two minutes even if there are bombs going off around them. First, allow the top of your head to relax completely, then your forehead – relax it until you feel all the little wrinkles relax and become smooth. Allow your eyeballs to rest in their sockets and be completely still. Relax your cheeks, then let your jaw and your tongue go slack. Drop your shoulders down to stretch your neck, then let it relax completely. Pick one arm and loosen the muscles in your shoulder and upper arm, then feel the loosening move down your arm to your finger tips. Repeat with the other arm. Take a slow, deep breath and let it out while relaxing your chest, then your abdomen. Release all the tension from your lower back, then the buttocks, then the thighs, the calves, and finally the feet. If you’re still awake by this time, clear your mind by picturing a boat on a placid lake or a black velvet hammock (I don’t know why it’s velvet, just go with it). If neither of those images do it for you, say quietly to yourself, “Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think,” for 10 seconds. Supposedly, after practicing this for six weeks, it should be super effective. I also do this when I wake up in the middle of the night and it works more than anything else has.
In addition to those very helpful mental exercises, I added a few supplements to my regimen around the same time.
5-HTP: I actually started taking this for its appetite suppressant qualities. During (you guessed it) PMS, I would be ravenous. Constantly. I could eat an appropriately sized meal and still feel starving, not to mention the persistent urge to snack between meals. Ever since I started taking this, I haven’t experienced that level of incessant hunger. However, it is also a precursor to serotonin which converts to melatonin, which we all know is the sleep hormone. I take this in the morning along with ashwagandha (which I’ll get to in a minute).
Krill oil: I stumbled across this while surfing around on the Bullet Proof website. I had already started taking fish oil (I forget why), so when I ran out, I replaced it with krill oil.
L-Theanine: this is the amino acid in green tea that gives you a sense of calm. True, I could just drink a cup of decaf green tea, but that would defeat the purpose of limiting my liquid intake before bed. I take the krill oil and L-Theanine together about two hours before bed time.
In the last post, I forgot to mention another incident that got me back on the road to recovery. After seeing the doctor that put me on the benzo, I saw one more sleep specialist: an ENT from India who came to the US for his medical education. I so deeply appreciate the way he was able to integrate both Ayurvedic and Western medicine. He took one look at my nasal passages, reviewed my sleep study, and decided to see what he could do to widen my airways to prevent the the RERAs that were messing with my sleep during REM. He recommended using a neti pot followed by a saline gargle every day. Since I was going to have to do that, I needed my neti pot to be cute, so I hunted for one that I would actually enjoy using. For my birthday a month or so later, my Bear got me the matching salt jar. I had been taking ashwagandha because several of my friends had mentioned that it helped with their depression and anxiety. The second doctor I saw made fun of me for taking it, making a big deal about how he couldn’t even pronounce the name, so I went off of it when I started taking clonazepam. However, my ENT said there was no reason I couldn’t take it along with the benzo and touted its benefits (ashwagandha, not the benzo) out of first hand experience.
I hope some of that helps someone out there struggling to sleep. My sleep patterns haven’t returned 100% to what they were two years ago (even pushing myself as hard as I have the two weeks to try to get this home accessory business going has resulted in the twitchies and many hours of lost sleep), but it is amazing to no longer have a cloud of dread smothering me constantly. It’s wonderful to enjoy winding down in the evenings, instead of feeling panicky about the possible hours of torture ahead. I used to be able to go until I crashed (I’m an ENFP), but that isn’t an option any more.
I’m learning to find a new speed (medium) and slow it down even more from there. Even though I’m frustrated by my limitations, this experience has given me a new and profound appreciation for the ability to do all the mundane things that go into making life happen.