Motivational Music Monday

Am I a day later than normal? Yes. Yes, I am. But if I didn’t publish this on a Monday, how could I justify that fun alliterated title?

Before my Bear’s dad passed away and my entire life went off the rails, I felt pretty strong and capable. Sure, I was intimidated by replacing shut off valves and learning to use a jack hammer, but all it took to get me moving in those days was a message like the one in “You Can’t Stop Me” by Andy Mineo or “Ima Just Do It” by KB. These days, it’s more like “You Can’t Get Me to Move without a Forklift” and “Ima Just Sit Here.” When I thought I knew where life was going and what I was doing with it, I really didn’t appreciate “Shatter Me” by Lindsey Stirling. There’s a ballerina in a snow globe and a chick rockin’ out – what’s the connection here?

Now I get it. This could just be my personal experience, but I feel like so much motivational messaging is aimed at people who already believe in the possibility of their own strength and that a “bright side” exists to be seen if you just look for it. It doesn’t give you permission to acknowledge negative emotion. But what do you do when life proves that you can be incapacitated with breath-taking ease and the bright side you’ve been looking for half your life still has not manifested? When you feel trapped by your own weakness and hopelessness?

I’m of the opinion that it’s ok to sit in it until you’re desperate enough to get out, until the pain of staying where you are outweighs the potential pain of getting out. Well-meaning and good-hearted friends will try to describe what’s on the outside, but in the same way that the butterfly looks like a bat to the ballerina when she’s in the snow globe, what they’re talking about sounds completely unappealing, if not down right horrifying. And that’s ok – maybe you have to get to the point where facing the bat is less painful than staying where you are.

When she first tries to get out, it throws her world into chaos and it’s terrifying. I love that. I so deeply appreciate that this artist understands that things might feel way worse when you first start to break free.
This little ballerina is simultaneously desperate to escape and terrified of what’s on the outside. Then it goes from bad to worse – she feels like she is shattering, not just the world she has been living in. I love that this isn’t about being strong and overcoming – it’s about being fragile and broken and finding freedom through that brokenness.

Her struggle for freedom involves playing the violin, mine involves making things from outcast items and painting. I haven’t gotten through the story line of this video to the place where I feel like I’m on a hill top in the sunshine. I’m in the place where I feel like every inch of me is fracturing or like I’m free falling, but this song helps me to not be afraid of the pain, because maybe, just maybe it’s my tiny prison that’s shattering instead of my self.